... Most of the time I am writing it is nothing that is on my mind, it is entirely what is in my heart, and what I am believing the LORD has put there.  Now, I have a bit on my mind.  This coming Saturday I will leave to St. Louis, followed by a trip to Buffalo, and then my plane ride to Atlanta.  There isn't much time left.

Right now I have a broken friendship lingering over my heart.  I have found a bit of peace and much comfort in knowing the things that scriptures says.  I have followed whole-heartedly the ways we are to deal with broken friendship, in the church, those who sin against us, those who hold grudges. I know what we are to do and not to do.  I remember the story in Genesis of Esau and Jacob.  I am settled knowing I have done what the LORD asked of me to do.  I was bold and courageous to confront the person.  I was patient and obedient to what they asked of me.  I was faithful to my Father in what he asked of me.  And now, I must wait for his heart to be changed.  Esau held a grudge against Jacob for a long time.  You will go from Chapter 27 in Genesis all the way to Chapter 33 before you see how time allowed for their relationship to be restored. 

I've become impatient.  But prolly because I got satisfaction while doing the right thing, but for the wrong resaons.  I loved having people come to me to tell me how right I was.  The purest part of my heart only desired a simple apology and it was enough. No matter how much I suffered my heart was relieved, despite the amount of time that could have gone by.   These days I just want things settled.  As I search GOD my impatience has began to turn more pure...its turning into desperation.  A desperation I cry out to the Father to fulfill.

I wonder if you will read this and what you think.  I am going to ask you, please pray for me.  Please pray for restoration.  Although I will be able to go content and at peace knowing I have done the LORDS will, the matter that there is a broken bond in Spirit between me and a brother in Christ will not allow for me to let go of the reality that something is not okay.  I hope u will pray.

......  I am sitting at my second last day of work.  Hopefuly my job can find me 12 hours today ( i finish this day at 730am, and I started yesterday at 3pm).   Yesterday was church day.   I was relieved from work at 8am, walked home and got there around 830am.  Fell asleep for about 30 min and hurried on up to church.  I returned to sleep for a bit less than two hours, and somehow I am conquering this grueling 16hour work day. 

Last week God worked in my life.  Friday I was given an 8 hour shift at work, I was given another 12 hour shift on Saturday, a 16 hour shift on Sunday.  What this means my pay check on Thursday for two weeks will only be short 10 hours.  I recieved more hours in the last three days of the pay period than I had gotten the entire month before.  Today when I finish work I will be halfway through.  This will give me the time that I need to get things done that I have neglected.  Things that should have been done... like sending in my paperwork.   

It was hard Sunday.  It was my last day in church and Sunday school.  I felt a bit of loss.  I have worked so hard to go to Africa that I withdrew from most fellowship.  I was consumed with the relationship that I have with Christ.  He took me away from all I knew.  I could have hoped for a bit more celebration upon my departure, however I think that I will be crying tears of relieved and find rest in his arms as he carries me away to the next place he has prepared for me.

This has been a long road.  But not one step of it would I have not taken.  One step at a time has brought me here... where I am beginning my journey to Africa and fulfilling dreams that I still can only dream about, as the LORD makes my dreams filled with HIS purpose.