Trauma Alert, Emergency Department...Trauma Alert, Emergency Department....Trauma Alert, Emergency Department...

It wasnt too often I was overly excited about hearing this. But I was usualy relieved to have something to do. The excitement usually came after all was said and done. Reflecting on some of the things that I seen in the trauma room and then realizing that I was a part of it was usualy what excited me most.

Today, my last day of work at the Medical Center, I heard the trauma alert called as I walked in. I have been so desperate to work in the emergency department since my hours were cut and I fell off the scheduele. It was so hard to take it all in and keep pressing on. Most of what was so hard, was letting in not matter. Letting something that meant so much to me not matter. After all, the purpose I was driving onwards for was to get to Africa. It did not matter if I was in the emergency department. I was still gainfully employed and making the most money I could regardless of my department. I want it to matter. I have made it a part of my philosophy to live my life making it count, which means allowing for things to matter.

I know I am going to be okay. I breath in, breath out, and move on... It has been 6months since I fell off the scheduele for the Emergency Department. Just a couple weeks ago I hit my two year mark. I wanted to say fairwells and goodbyes and be able to be prepared for my final day of work, but GOD would not have it that way.

But now, as I pull up from this gloom, may I shout a praise to GOD? Praise to GOD, that my mother has booked a flight to meet me in St. Louis and stay with me until I need to be in Atlanta.

I haven't seen my mother in years. She had promised a trip to Florida for the four years Ihave been here, most recently for this week... but she has never carried out those plans. She has been here, but she has not even let me know she was here.

I am okay. I won't see my grandmother whose health has been ailing for awhile. But she settles for so much less than she deserves. She stays strong, for my happiness is so much more worth to her than her own. She knows my heart, and she knows where I must be. Its going to be a bit of a struggle. But finaly taking the steps towards long term missions has meant for me making alot of the things that may get in the way, even things that make me happy, family, friends, school, career, NOT matter. When I am looking to what GOD has asked of me, the things that I am not sure of and that I do not know his plan for sure with no longer can matter. I am forced to give them up to GOD, and carry on with what I am certain of, and that is HIS ultimate call for us to go to the world and to serve. There is nothing more I want. I am content. People's feelings will get hurt, loved ones in friends and family may allow themselves to drift away from me... some things that I worked so hard to make "matter" will now be meaingless.

Praise GOD tho... I am happy today. Even with somber moments, I am happy.

...Today, September 05 2007, this song spoke to me.  Before the refrain spoke so wonderful to me.  Today, these words filled up my heart with courage... It reminded me of what I already knew while I struggled with letting go...

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from

And the
things I've left behind

But of all I've had, what I possessed

Nothing
can quite compare

With what's in front of me

With what's in front of
me