Although I was quick to flip it off of the tv screen, it was too much of a temptation to now click on the link in the area's local newspaper online edition.    I was a member of the 1-265th Army National Guard, AIR DEFENSE ARTILLERY UNITY.    They were deployed to operation NOBLE EAGLE.  This is a mission in our capitol that I had waited a couple years to go on, but never made it.  It brings tears and anxiousness for a passion that I once had, and I must force myelf to remember where and why I stepped away.  The lack of GOD that I seen drew me away when I needed most to grow with HIM.  I was not in a position to lead yet, and the outlet that I needed and desired for CHRIST was not available to me.

I cried in relief on my last day.  It did not take long after I decided not to continue in the military to be excused from duty until my discharge came.  It was honorable, and yet I did not feel any honor whatsoever.  My heart was fulfilled with the LORD, and I did what I had to do, but this is definatly a reminder of how much sacrafice I had to give.  I screamed to GOD to take it.  I was tired of it all.  Tired with all of the wasted time I was not doing what GOD had asked me.  I was sure because I had not answered the call that GOD gave me when he gave it to me.

I just had it in my heart to succeed, but there was a sure spiritual battle taking place.  I was relieved of the confusion and frustration the moment that I stepped away and did not continue to pursue a carear in the military.

The same is true for the police after I went through the police academy.  But it isnt as harsh reality that I deal with like the military is.

It overwhelms me, and I see a place now where I have got to pray for peace. There is nothing else I have sacraficed...relationships, home, car, school... that brings the battle of emotions from within my heart out onto the surface.

I believe that there will be so much restored and built up inside of me once I settle down where GOD has called me to be... and I can hardly wait.  I am looking forward to meeting all of you guys and beginning my ministry with you and sharing in yours.  Let my heart find peace....