As this sinks in I swallow my pride as the Satan speaks loudly into my ear that I do not deserve to go on this trip.   I maintain dignity while I understand that I infact do not deserve to go on this trip and that I deserve nothing at all... but by the will of GOD I am going, and I will seek many blessings along the way. I will giev glory to GOD for what HE gives, and I will share my many blessings that I am sure will be there.

I am questioning who I am.  Its been awhile since I sat back and thought of my surroundings and who I was in them and said "this is me, and I like me..."   I know that my disposition could very well be due to the fact that this, (where I am at now), is not where I need to be.  I postponed the call, and while I went against the wish of  GOD whos KNOWS what I have missed...

I wonder who is with me, and who knows me for the heart I have for GOD.  Those who know me now I wonder if you believe in me, and if you have ever believed in me at all.   I wonder if you love me for  who I am, of if you have no idea who to love.  I wonder if you will support me, or stay where you are while I wander off to do GODS work.   I want you to love me, and I write all of these posts to show the woman of GOD I am, and the mighter woman of HIS that I am.  I am becoming.          FOr those who have looked into my eyes and asked me to  trust you while you promised your love, how will you ever express those words in ways I will believe while I am gone.

I think some of you have a hard time understanding what I mean when I invite you into my ministry.  Of course this will take some of your money to help, but I ask only for what GOD asks you through your prayers to provide for me.  Nothing more.  But what I need is your love.  A love that is in obedience to GOD and not on an emotional level.  A love that is shown through disciplined actions, such as praying for me, rather than anything heart to heart.  For I do not come to you with y heart in my hands, but with my SPIRIT surrounding all of who I am....heart, mind, and soul...

I trust the LORD that his will be done, but some of you give your word that you will stand by me, and yet if I were to need to lean on you you would be no where near...for you are not standing by.

I want authentic love and support.  I want to build a ministry where you do not put your heart into me, but your heart into GODS plan.  I am just a messanger , a laborer of HIS.  You are not to choose who HE sends.  It is not your judgement who discerns their  calling... I am going because he said GO... HIS voice echoed into others hearts, for they are the ones that have given me this chance ancd that is a blessing that assures me that I do not deserve anything and eyt our GOD is so gracious...a gracious LOVING FATHER!

I am taken back while I watch those of you not support me, who tell me what  a great thing I am doing and yet haven't even whispered a prayer for me.  We do it here and there and amongst all the other things we do in life, but PRAYER is our foundation.  It is what builds us, unites us, and HOLDS US IN PLACE in communion with GOD...   I have found that the more obediencet to prayer I become the less time I Have for anything else... and yet, I am not satisfied with everything else anymore. 

I cannnot contain my passion any longer.  In so many places it seems that my prayers are silently read off of my heart and unto the LORD... that my praise is sung in quiet, and my books are stowed away until I am alone...  I am letting go.  I am letting go of so much that unites me with the WORLD and in the utmost I am reuniting in my entirety with GOD.  I dont care what money I do or do not have...although it has made this trip difficult... I have learned hwo OkAY it has been to NOT CARE what some of you think... I have learned that the person so many told me I could not be, was the person of GODs whom he CHOSE for me to be... 

OH DEAR GOD, I am so on my way, and I can't wait to ge there... in total and utter communion with you.  LORD GOD I hope to bring back the WORLD to people here in AMERICA, and open their eyes by shinning the LIGHT that you bring to people who are lost along the way...so that they can see the path that you have destined us to, the path t you oh RIGHTEOUS FA THER... many here do not understand, caught up in this caos, of the WORLD outside of here that you created... I wanna open their eyes, and what an amazing start... in lands that carry so much hope and so much of your GLORY... I do this not to glorify myself with marvelous pictures of those suffering alongside my helping hands, but to GLORIFY you oh GOD!!!  I need you, and your closeness and intimate love inside of me creates a yearning that continues to burn for YOU... your mercy, your love, your JOY, EVERYTHING... I could never get enough, and yet you leave me satisfied!