It wasnt just an ordinary  day when I realized the call that the LORD had for me.  While I stood in the world the LORD had created I looked up to heaven and said "NO."  I was not going to go I told him.  Oh how wrong I would soon realize I was.  Perhaps it would have been easier if I knew how.  If it wasnt just the rich white kids who seemed to be  going on all these mission trips and coming back untouched and unreachable by a poor girl who was left to fend for herself at an early age.  When the day finaly came to realize what mistake I had made and how I hadn't trusted the LORD I looked back up to the heavens as I had done the day I disobeyed the LORD and cried out that he take it all.  TAKE IT! I yelled.  Falling on my knees, holding myself in aboslute anguish as tears flooded over my face I cried for mercy.  I did not know how I was going to do it.  I had not totaly comitted to missions work but I had started to take the steps to it.  I knew it was happening.  There was only one friend, dear CARMEN, who would be there to see this passion and only in the least feel the struggle.

I had worked a long time to get to where I was.  I hadn't always had a home, a safe ride to and from school or work, money for school, friends, food... It had been hard.  I was at a point where I had it all.  I had no idea how to reach out into this area where I heard the call to go.  When I say the LORD speaks to me, I am completely serious.  Perhaps it is not an audiable voice.  Perhaps its just my conciousnce reading the words outlound in my head of which have been placed on my heart by my Father.  It did not matter.  The call was there.

I decided not to continue with school.  After I cried to the LORD to take it all, I found that there was not a way any longer to continue with my education.  The police field was put on hold.  It would be there.  The passion still was inside of me, but I had no greater burning passionate desire than to love the LORD GOD with my entire heart.  I let my apartment slip through my hands and did nothing to salvage it.  Before I got too deep with my car I sacraficed that too.   Although I have never been so poor I have also never been so satisfied at the same time.

In the following months after my surrendering I began a search to find where I needed to start so that I could get somewhere now living entirely for GOD.  I was alone.  I would come face to face with so many challenges, but amongst them I would find gifts that overwhelmed my spirit.  A spirit that would be changed again and again, and changes that would alter my life forever.  I came to experience mercy, and after a long ways without feeling the physical presence of  GOD I would feel him come to me and wrap arms around me in a way I could have never felt before.  I would understand freedom and salvation.  I would find humility as a blessing...one that would allow me to overcome society and humble myself to the utmost so that in my suffering and hard long road to fulfilling GODS call for my life, that I would not be brought down.  My eyes would witness the SPIRIT of GOD working all around me.  The breath of a new day I have even found as my first realization each day anew that the the SAVIOR is there for me.

I would begin to develop principles and standards for my life while applying what the LORD has asked of all of us.  I began to hear the LORD speak to my heart again.  I began to see light after much darkness, and while I waited trusting the LORD to rescue me I can't explain what joy it was when my feet finaly started to move as the SPIRIT took my hand and guided me.

I would find the best and worst of people and my new heart that I asked for would be challenged.  I would find that I could love anyways.  I would love myself, the LORD, and the person no matter what.  My heart was new!  It was no longer of stone.  It could love, and it could be loved!!!  And loved it has been!!!

My biggest fundraiser will not be until the first week of September.  I am calm and still knowing that GOD will do what he says he will do, but cautious making sure that no evil blinds me of the work of the LORD's that I must be doing for him and with him.

I cannot tell you what a sweet breaking my heart had when I finaly got to where my passion was apparent.  A friend of mind led me to scripture in a way I never knew of because of how I grew up.  I figured since the LORD was speaking to me that I was good so nothing else mattered.  Now as I search for confirmation of waht the LORd speaks to my heart I find it everywhere through scripture and testimonies and books that I have read.  In this way I am able to use what is in my heart to minister to others.  There is nothing more I want to do.  I am afraid, but the LORd comforts that fear.

I am thousands of dollars off from where I need to be in support.  I need help my brothers and sisters.

To my Africa team:  I am filled with joy to think that the LORD is preparing all of our hearts as one.  That the spirit will unite us as ONE body in communion with GOD to reach out to people in need and to one another. 

The LORD is continuing to use me and change me in ways that are so strong and hard at work it hurts me a bit, but I will not back down from the mighty power of GOD.  I will take hold of all the strength it will give me.

My life is changing, and I am ready for the biggest change to begin!