I wasn't sure if I ever wanted my life to slow down. I liked being able to have every moment of my day occupied. I did not mind working hard and being up for a day or two at a time and them sleeping 8 hours and being reenergized for the next day. I absolutly loved working nights and sleeping until early afternoon. I loved pushing myself to run mile after mile in the heat, and beating myself up at the gym. I liked moving from one place to another and having my phone never stop ringing...

Over this time between training camp and Africa, I have only had a few times that my phone has rang. There are some days where I have time on my hand and nothing much to do with it but give it away. I sleep often more than my usual 6 hours on a normal day or 8 on a super tired day. I get about 9 or 10 some nights, and I wake up well slept but still wanting to lay in bed. I have been full since the second day of training camp, less my one day of fasting. .. I sit for most of my day, which is a change. I kinda forget how it feels to be exghausted...

Now as we prepare to go different ways and are saying goodbyes and enjoying the last time we will be our big "Africa Team" I am reflecting on my life. I have discovered this: I had expected to come here as me, as the person I knew me to be and give that person to the team and share that person with others. While this has been true, the LORD desires so much more than that of who I was before, and of everyone here. To do this work in this team successfully I realized that I have to be as little of myself that I knew before and very willing to adapt and grow with the new person I am becoming. You see, there is different work to be done. There is time that I use to never have, and when I can use the time I am doing different things than before. I do not go out and work my job and come home, sleep, hit the open road for a 10 mile run, go to church several days a week... This is me now. My life is changing into what is required of me here in Africa. Work needs to be done that I am capable of doing. While trying to hang onto the person who left Florida several weeks ago, I was resisting the change that the LORD eagerly awaited to bring to me. Now, I imagine the LORD smiling down on me. My face shares that smile. I at the same time was eager to make my Father proud, and he has let me know that he is indeed proud.

My life has slowed down. I am not always fond of this, but when the LORD quietly tells me how proud he is of me and tells me that my work was well done, it gives me an everlasting moment to carry with me. Although things are always changing, there is not that much room for spontaneity.

When sitting back and reflecting during our "mid-awakening debrief" yesterday, we were asked to describe how we changed, how the things we learned affected or changed us, or how our ministry affected or changed us.... There was so much I knew before. During the time I used to prepare myself for missions I know GOD cleared so many things from my path before I came to Africa. Although I did not want to hear things repeated during our sessions here, it was only because I was sooo ready to learn something new. I wanted to learn as much as I could. But other people needed to hear them, and the things the LORD showed me, changed me with, and spoke to me through were nothing someone else could tell me. It was simply because he had taken me away from a place where I otherwise would not hear him. Now, it is not to say that I did not learn something these last couple months, I have. I have had the hardest job of my life since I have been here. The LORD has worked me hard, using his strength in me to get HIS work done. I was happy to please the LORD, and yet found myself not always happy to do the work. But I did the best I could anyways. Through my ministry and the time being here in Africa thus far, the LORD has most shown me how important for me as a daughter who has been gifted with the wisdom, understanding, and courage to go out and proclaim the way my Father has born me to do, to be accountable of these gifts and reliable in my faith. Accountable, you know, accepting these gifts and continually seeking after GOD to understand them and use them in my life... and reliable, doing what I know needs to be done such as praying, listening for the LORD and to HIM, studying scripture, acting out in faith, and so forth... so that what I teach is true, and that I will not have to back down from reproach.

I anticipate going to Kenya. Tomorrow, Friday November 1, I will know. I am eager to learn who I am going to spend such a deep part of my life with.

Being in Africa so far has been a very humbling experience for me. This is true in so many ways. Many times the devil trys to seep into my heart and tell me that I should not be here because I do not deserve it. But I know that none of us in this world deserve a thing, but that with grace and mercy we are blessed. I am happy to be blessed in ways that are undescribeable.