Today I just met with PASTOR TIM.   Not only is he the pastor for missions and evangelism, he is the intermin pastor of the etnire church.  His works are astounding.  Wait, the LORD's works through him are astounding.  I had waited about 2 months to talk to him.  This was the week I would finalize for the fundraiser...  As I stepped back out into the damp air and cool breeze after our meeting, the warm breath I took in sent chills through my body.  I just been overwhelmed, but I had hoped the Lord's hands had comforted my soul enough to let it not show.  "Calm thyself o my soul, calm thyself in thee..."

Once I knew that I had to confront my pastor with my decision and ask to utilize church resources for my fundraising I realized I very well may not recieve it. ... Now, I am not one to look back and wish there had been a way in the past to make things easier for the present moment, but I stumbled in worry and panic today.  Despite one of the most difficult lives I now, my challenges have undermined my strength and abilities.  This day however, I fell into a foolish dream of holding myself in a smaller church where I would stand out as an individula called to go, rahtehr than a huge church where I semed to just blend into the congregation.  But now let me come back to reality and be honest on something that the LORD cleared up for me today so that I can now put it into words... My call is not just to go overseas.  It is in ministering to other people at the utmost about the LOVE of JESUS.  The need does not rest just overseas.  I am not looking for a revolution overseas, I am looking for peace on EARTH in the name of our SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST... (stay with me people).   Overseas I will experience a great love for the LORD from people who have nothing more than that.  Than the LOVE for the LORD, and the Holy Spirit and all that  comes with having Jesus alive in ones heart.  While Americans can easily glorify material items and get caught up in the American dream, while money can satisfy desire, and passion is most seen in lust...there is entire populations all over the world who will be able to know JESUS and will have a pure understanding of his love for ALL OF US.  A love that people in America may very well be lacking.  I have learned to adapt and overcome.  THe LORD layed it on my heart so that I would not be burdened to live in a material, industrialized society, but he has done it so that I may be his slave, his servant and go out into the WORLD to understand HIS love in a way that cannot be experienced settling in America.  

I know that I have a heart burning with passion and desire for CHRIST.  I have a personality that can attract peoples attention.  I have a gift of an ability to create words that paintings in peoples minds.  I can bring someone into my world, into my heart by speaking to them with passion.  If my heart burns with the love nad for the love of CHRIST imagine what a world that I can take someone to.     When I go overseas I know that the FATHER ALMIGHTY will rest on my heart burdens to carry.  He will give me the strength to carry them all the way back into the lives of Americans, needy Americans, who do not understand the difference between want and needs.   I believe that we as humans are one anothers greatest gift from GOD on earth, but as I have studied American culture I see us becoming more and more dependant on ourselves, which leaves us responsible for the reasons why people get into a position where they dont know how to help another in need... soemone who may need a warm places to sleep, nutrition, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry...ummm, simply LOVE, as the LORD EXPLAINS TO US it is.   What has intrigued me most about the things I can only study in films, documentaries, and books is how those overseas, epsecialy throughout Africa which cannot be limited to one stereotype but must be seen with its vast ethnic diversity from south to NORTH and EAST TO WEST, is that when they come to CHRIST they truly are entirely dependent on HIS word.  They have nothing else.   HOW CAN WE BE HUNGARY FOR JESUS IF WE ARE SO FULL OF OURSELVES??????   The answer is that we cannot.   The explination for the answer is what I want to bring back first hand.      My heart currently is burning to bring those who I am not any better than to know CHRIST, because I know that while they suffer and while they die they will have something satisfying first.  They will smile and laugh and love in a way I know they cannot when they only see devastation from reality and not the beauty that the LORD can provide ANYWHERE so as long as we welcome HIM.

(woah, I didnt expect to write this, so lemme sum up my whole point...  I dont care where a constructed building whose title reflects worship of christians, I know that we are the church and that the  church I wanna worship in can be built anywhere!    I dont know the help I can recieve so that I can utilize my church, but the GLORY OF GOD will be revealed SOMEWHERE for he has asked me to bring it to others. My fundraiser reflects bringing the visions GOD has blessed me with to the hearts of many.... I can create a church to use and welcome them to anywhere for this fundraiser... THANK YOU LORD for showing me that... )

**** And so now remember what I said about peace on EARTH?  There is no greater peace I know than the kind I have found when in communion with others and the LORD GOD.   While the world who does not know Jesus suffers.  While the unsaved suffer while not living for GOD.  While unrest lies in wars, pornography, prostitution, hate, children who are slaves to work and sex, stravation...  I am looking for peace at its entirety, the World will definatly be peaceful when Jesus comes to save.  Let us live like heaven on earth... Let us bring peace... and what greater peace than the kind that Jesus brings?