... so Ive been doing a little bit of screaming and shouting lately.  Sometimes they are primal screams at the top of my lungs releasing aggrevation and exhurting some extra energy that I just haven't had time to do physicaly.

I am getting late notices... anyone else? I am pressuring those last few hearts and souls to dig into their pockets and throw money into this fountain... (my ministry)... promising that they need not wish but that the LORd will reveal definate blessings from all of this.

My tummy has been hurting a little bit.  I haven't been eating as nicely as usual.  Hm....??  Could I be worried?  I think a bit of this is uncontroled, and so I have asked GOD to provide me with open eyes, so that I can see these subtle changes taking place before their toll takes over me.   I am kinda okay with how things are...  having tied so many loose ends, I am finding myself in familiar places and yet feeling lost... theres somewhere else I needed to be, an appt that I must have missed... somthing<< thats the feeling I have been getting.  While I search my heart for answers constantly, I see that the very best reason for things is that I am just being a bit impatient to follow through onward to where I have been reaching for...to where the LORD has nudged me forward to go to.  Aside from anxiousness, I am finidng pure excitement of which that I even must call out to be quieted at times.

I dont run mile after mile anymore.  There has not been time for that.  I havent had days where I put my muscles on, as I called it when I worked out at the gym... infact, somehow after two years I allowed my membership to expire.  Slowly I have let all of the things that kept me for who I was in Florida fall away...  in exchange I accepted the changes necessary to be fulfilled with all I am to be to the WORLD, as a child of GOD, diciple of CHRIST, as a brother and sister, as a fosterer to all of GOD's children out there who do not know they are loved by their FATHER... and ambassador or the TRUTH.

Periodicaly I think I am crazy. =)  The call that I once denied cannot be hidden as I have began to prepare to become this warrior of GOD's whole heartedly.  I can not be shy, conservative, or afraid of it.    I have found strength in the force of GOD to be outward, free, and courageous as I speak of HIS NAME.   Things are different, and while I see the things that I hid in my heart before, others see things they think may be popping out of nowhere... and tahts okay.  I can't be backed down.  I have to hold my head high, speak bold with the truth, and withstand the pressure that sometimes feels as if it will push me down under...

I realize I am in over my head, and then blessed be HIS NAME, for that song... "im in over my head, im right where I wanna be, so lost within ur love, the love that always covers me....."    If I am going to be overwhelmed in anything, praise it be to the LORD OUR  GOD that it is by his love and his freedom, by power of such love and his mercy and grace!!

I will see u guys later!